a boots-on-the-ground view of the change that's a-foot

by Tao, Carrboro, NC

It’s been a long 3 weeks since the move to the fixer-upper, soon to be communal studio/living space, house. This week has been especially challenging – floors being torn up, a hive of yellow jackets in the yard… Me and the dogs have to head out early each day before the work crews show up to get out of the way. Ayla and River have been darn tolerant of living in the car all day for all this time, but they also are feeling the tension. Don’t worry – they get a lot of walks in between my work hours!

So, my sporadic online presence has been due to my current gypsy-like lifestyle- suitcase, dog food, and other essentials packed in the car. Every day I seem to forget things I need, and I’ve lost a couple things in all the shuffling. I try hard to not complain, because we’re still all able come back and sleep in a comfortable bed in a warm room at night – cat included – and she has managed the renovation-ride better than all of us.

In fact, I’m coming clean to admit that I’m facing some demons in this process – like attachment to my stuff….I’m unreasonably obsessed with the things I can’t seem to find in all the boxes still piled up and I barely recognize my voice when I hear myself screech things like, “But I have to find THAT hat!!”….”Who has the nail clipper?!?!?!”…. or, “NO, I don’t want to borrow your helmet, I want my OWN bike helmet!”. And my attachment to comforts — “But I need to shower NOW!”

Yes, I’m at times behaving poorly in all this and I’m embarrassed at what it says about my state of mind. sigh. I’ve been ridiculously immature, spoiled, really. I’m owning up to all of it. Ugh. This isn’t the me I want to be —or, for that matter, the me who can help “change the world”. The truth is hard to face sometimes, but as Jerry always says, it’s also “your best tool”. I wish I could just take a pill to fix it all, but I think there is some purposeful work in all of this…

It’s obviously past time to enter more deeply into Svadhyaya – part of the Eight Limbs of Yoga – the Niyama that encourages self-study and self-reflection – a good, hard look in the mirror.

And remember, like so many things in life, this is a test. This is only a test. Just go back to studying for it.

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3 Responses to “”

  1. phyllisdiehl Says:

    i love your blog, i feel your tension, i feel your frustration, and i am even feeling sorry for ayla and river, but, i so love your humility and your sense of humor. it reminds me what the rabbi has taught me, G-D did not make us perfect, we are all imperfect. which equals to being human.

    you are a human who had boxes, crew men, repair guys, up to your limit………….i understand, and my behavior would probably top yours….just have a good laugh, and welcome again to the human race. pretty soon you will find the nail clipper, it might be in the box that says “essentials”

  2. Alison Wiley Says:

    I struggle with attachments to my stuff, too. Warm wishes on getting things sorted out from the move. Moving is always tough. I have to blog less when other parts of my life get bigger, too.

  3. tao Says:

    Thank you – my day feels much lighter now! Thank you Alison and Phyllis for the support and for bringing me back to the joy side!
    Namaste to you both.

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